Posts Tagged ‘stages’

From Our Inbox: Adoption and Attachment…Are we making enough progress?

October 14, 2010

Signs and symptoms of attachment strain or disorder can look different at particular ages and stages of development and  with different degree of issue.   This can make assessing progress tricky.   We recently  received an interesting email question relating to assessing attachment in a toddler.  Read the email and our response below.

From our inbox:

Hi –

I’m currently completing the Because They Waited course.  I’m wondering if you would help me think through how to evaluate my daughter’s behavior.  She has been home with us for 13 months.   She arrived home at the age of 6 months (on paper);  we feel she was probably closer to 8 to 9 months when we brought her home.  She has always been very interactive, social and very observant of her surroundings.  (To the point that others will comment on those qualities.)  I wondered initially if her behavior was a way of coping with stress, anxiety, her situation (orphanage care setting), overstimulation, etc.  We were very conscious of our parenting and pulled her close.  I’m a SAHM and she has had very infrequent childcare other than her parents and always for short periods of time in our home.

Two to three months after arriving home, she began to become “clingy” and to show a preference for Mom.  I spent the better part of a couple of months holding her or carrying her during that time.   She was cautious of strangers visiting and would refuse to go to family members at family gatherings, in preference of Mom.  She seemed to go through periods of stranger or separation anxiety at about 12  and 18 months.

Now – after 13 months home – she is a very social and outgoing toddler.  She will initiate social contact (more…)

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Katie’s thoughts on “Child Development Isn’t Linear”

September 29, 2010

I just read an article called “Child’s Development Isn’t Linear” that you can find here.   Although it is geared toward school readiness it has a lot of truth for any parent and especially for parents whose children had a hard start in life.  Here’s one of my favorite quotes:

“Children cannot be pushed, hurried, practiced or tutored along developmental stages,” Wolfe says. “Normal growth just needs time. Outside pressures cause a child to spin out of control.”

This is so,  true, isn’t it?  And yet, how much time, money and effort is spent pushing, hurrying, practicing or tutoring skills that we think our children should have NOW?   True for typical parenting experiences and probably even more true for parents whose children whose children spent time in less than optimal care.  Especially true for parents who don’t have information about what we call a child’s “real age” as opposed to their “chronological age”.  (we’re going to talk a lot more about this in an upcoming webinar) (more…)

Handwriting, Child Development & Less Than Optimal Beginnings

June 7, 2010

I recently caught a short story on our local news about the program, Handwriting Without Tears, becoming more widely used in public school systems.  I was too late in finding a link to the original video I saw, but I did find a link to a written article online here.

I first heard about Handwriting Without Tears about 10 years ago through Children’s Therapy Group here in Kansas City.  They provided a summer class for children using this program.   Now, it’s being used with the general population in public schools.  I find this fascinating because it is a real-life example of what we at Heart of the Matter have always believed–that parenting or caring for children mildly or moderately affected by less than optimal care in the beginnings of their life is oftentimes just a more purposeful, more intense, more lengthy and more conscious form of overall “good parenting”.   (more…)

Working on Socialization at Play

May 5, 2010

Kids Socializing in the Neighborhood

I love where we live.   I know the suburbs aren’t for everyone and I’ve lived in the country (not in an urban area yet) but I really feel like we have the best of most worlds.  We’re about 20 minutes or so away from “the city”.  Our street kind of makes a horseshoe shape so there’s not much traffic, but the two things that really sold us on buying this house about 7 years ago were:

1.  That there were kids all over the place.
2.  That there is a big field, small “woods” and a little creek right behind our house and about 7 others.

The other night (like most nights) the kids in the neighborhood were outside playing.  The night this picture was taken, the big kids (about 5th grade) were teaching the little kids (as young as 4 years old) how to play kickball.   Here is what they really learned: (more…)

Snow, ice and parenting

February 22, 2010

Here in Kansas City we are sick of winter!  We just had another round of ice and snow last night and many of us are beginning to think that global warming doesn’t sound that that bad of an idea after all.

As I was grumbling around in my head this morning, wondering when we will see an end to this weather, it occurred to me that this is kind of like parenting.  While we are “in a stage” whether that is potty training, transitioning a child into their own bed, whining, a child wanting to be carried constantly, a child who never wants to be carried, or whatever… it seems like it will never end. (more…)


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