Posts Tagged ‘re-parenting’

Stress, Re-Parenting and Pull Close Parenting

May 5, 2011

I just got off the phone with a dear friend of mine who told me a story that she is allowing me to now share with you.

She is the proud mommy to little 6-year-old C. who came home from China when she was about 2 years old or so. Their family was eating dinner the other night after a rough day and my friend could just see that C. was “in a mood” and really struggling to keep it together.  At some point during dinner, C. asked her mama, “Do you know how some people feed their babies like an airplane?”   (referring to zooming a spoonful of food toward the baby like it’s an airplane while feeding them)  C. went on to ask, “Do you think you could feed me like that?”  and dinner was finished with my friend feeding her big-little girl like an airplane.  My friend went on to tell me that  as she was feeding her daughter, she could just see the tension from the day melt out of C.

What a beautiful example of re-parenting and of a child who is learning to rely on their parent to help them regulate their emotions!  Imagine if my friend was less in tune with her daughter (or didn’t have the knowledge to know what C. was really asking for) and had instead told her to feed herself like a big girl.  They both would have missed out on a great opportunity to teach and learn trust, self-regulation and attunement.

How is your child asking for you to connect and parent them in a close, attuned manner?

Heart of the Matter Seminars


Two Stars and a Wish: Pull Close Parenting Recharges Parents Too

January 13, 2011

We talk a lot about how important pull close parenting is for our kids and many of you will remember my emphasis on pull close parenting for even teenagers in my recent blog post.  Today I’m thinking about how important pull close parenting is not just for our kids, but for us as parents as well.  It really  has the ability to  recharge our batteries just when we need it.   Yesterday I got my battery recharged.

My family has used a version of “Two Stars and a Wish” as a dinner time conversation and family relationship building tool for years.  When I (or another family member) suggests the activity everyone at the table thinks of two positives (stars) and one “wish” for every other family member.  A wish cannot be a put down but it can be a wish for more positive behavior.  (Example:  Sister wish to brother:  “I wish you would not go into my room without my permission.”)  Then we go around the table and share.  Sometimes the game inspires laughter and sometimes serious conversations.  We make it a commitment to try to be grateful for whatever stars we are offered and thoughtful (not angry) about whatever wishes are offered. (more…)

Holiday Gift Giving Ideas For Adoptive Families: Julie and Katie’s Top 10

November 29, 2010

Cyber Monday has us thinking about shopping so we thought we’d share some favorite holiday gift ideas for adoptive families.   Here is the “top 10 list” that Katie and I generated this morning.  It’s not comprehensive but we think these are all worthy and purposeful gifts.  And hey, these are not only great ideas  for the family parenting the child who waited, but also for all families interested in promoting attachment and optimizing  brain development.

#1:  Double Sized Blanket for Cuddling–   Cuddling is not just good for your baby but also your toddler, (more…)

Katie’s thoughts on “Child Development Isn’t Linear”

September 29, 2010

I just read an article called “Child’s Development Isn’t Linear” that you can find here.   Although it is geared toward school readiness it has a lot of truth for any parent and especially for parents whose children had a hard start in life.  Here’s one of my favorite quotes:

“Children cannot be pushed, hurried, practiced or tutored along developmental stages,” Wolfe says. “Normal growth just needs time. Outside pressures cause a child to spin out of control.”

This is so,  true, isn’t it?  And yet, how much time, money and effort is spent pushing, hurrying, practicing or tutoring skills that we think our children should have NOW?   True for typical parenting experiences and probably even more true for parents whose children whose children spent time in less than optimal care.  Especially true for parents who don’t have information about what we call a child’s “real age” as opposed to their “chronological age”.  (we’re going to talk a lot more about this in an upcoming webinar) (more…)

Frustrated and Tired is a Two-Way Street

June 15, 2010

A long time friend of mine (who teaches children with autism) posted something on Facebook that immediately resounded with me.  She graciously allowed me to re-post it here to share with you:

Sometimes I get caught up and a bit self absorbed thinking about how difficult it is to teach a child with autism, then I get a wake up call…

My kiddo, 2 yrs old, and I are working on speech; he is non verbal. We’ve been focusing on making the “ah” sound for 3 months now and have seen very little progress.

Today after an intense sound imitation session that lasted about an hour, he looked me right in the eye and let out the most beautifully appropriate ‘oh’, threw his little baby head into my lap and cried. I could tell he was more exhausted and more frustrated than I could ever dream of being. Our kids are some of the bravest and hardest working little people and I thank God for my little reminder of that toady.

Our children, who have had less than optimal starts in life, live this in various ways every day.  May my friend Jeannie’s post give us the extra self-control and empathy we need to keep up the hard work of good, solid parenting when we need a boost.

Re-Parenting Thoughts

March 5, 2010

I intended to post a follow up from Monday’s  webinar much sooner, but O.’s germs caught up with me and I succumbed to “the crud” that afternoon and all week long.  Anyway, it did give me time to think about one of the examples we didn’t have time to discuss:  re-parenting during times of illness.

We all get sick once in awhile and many children being adopted internationally have special medical needs.  Although no one wants their child to be sick, it is one of those negatives that can be used for good (more…)

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