Posts Tagged ‘internal alarm’

“Pull Close Parenting” Your Teenager

December 30, 2010

Experiencing each age and stage of my three children’s lives teaches me something new each time about parenting.   It proves that parenting is not an exact science and that, at least for most of us, we are “building the ship as we sail it.”  I know I am.  Oh don’t get me wrong.   You have to have a plan.  (You know I love parenting plans!)  But part of the parenting learning curve is experiential.  During the last few months my 15 year old accidentally taught me more about pull close parenting for teenagers. (more…)


Happy Halloween! Beware the internal alarm!

October 30, 2010
Pull Close Parenting Halloween Style!

Pull Close Parenting Halloween Style!

Happy Halloween! For many of us the scary part is our kids’ reactions…


quiet does not always equal content
wound-up and excited does not always equal fun.

Beware their internal alarms and be ready to pull them close if need be!

From Our Inbox: Adoption and Attachment…Are we making enough progress?

October 14, 2010

Signs and symptoms of attachment strain or disorder can look different at particular ages and stages of development and  with different degree of issue.   This can make assessing progress tricky.   We recently  received an interesting email question relating to assessing attachment in a toddler.  Read the email and our response below.

From our inbox:

Hi –

I’m currently completing the Because They Waited course.  I’m wondering if you would help me think through how to evaluate my daughter’s behavior.  She has been home with us for 13 months.   She arrived home at the age of 6 months (on paper);  we feel she was probably closer to 8 to 9 months when we brought her home.  She has always been very interactive, social and very observant of her surroundings.  (To the point that others will comment on those qualities.)  I wondered initially if her behavior was a way of coping with stress, anxiety, her situation (orphanage care setting), overstimulation, etc.  We were very conscious of our parenting and pulled her close.  I’m a SAHM and she has had very infrequent childcare other than her parents and always for short periods of time in our home.

Two to three months after arriving home, she began to become “clingy” and to show a preference for Mom.  I spent the better part of a couple of months holding her or carrying her during that time.   She was cautious of strangers visiting and would refuse to go to family members at family gatherings, in preference of Mom.  She seemed to go through periods of stranger or separation anxiety at about 12  and 18 months.

Now – after 13 months home – she is a very social and outgoing toddler.  She will initiate social contact (more…)

What Not to Do (parenting)

April 27, 2010

Although in my profession I provide adoption education and information about what I believe to be overall good parenting, I truly try to turn off the work stuff when I’m not working.  This is tough given that I live what I work since I am parenting two kids.  It’s also tough because it’s not like you can get away from other people who are parenting–at least not in the places I am likely to frequent with my own child/ren in tow.

Anyway, I really do try to just live my life and not obsess on parenting technique but something happened in Target earlier this week that made me cringe, sigh and want to immediately provide a free, live seminar in the middle of the store!  LOL (more…)

Out of Town–(Almost) Out of Patience

March 16, 2010

Julie and I are getting ready to go to Baltimore to the Joint Council on International Children’s Services annual conference. We’ll be presenting on Friday but won’t leave until Thursday. Additionally, my family has a wedding to attend as well as the rehearsal on Friday night since my 4-year-old O. is the flower girl. As you can imagine, I have a lot on my plate this week and O. is almost out of patience with me and I with her! (more…)

Public Tantruming

February 13, 2010

Our family was at Barnes & Noble yesterday evening.  As O. and I were making our way to the checkout we (and the whole store) heard this horrendous, gutteral screaming and crying begin accompanied by such phrases as, “NO!  BUT I WANT IT!!!  AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!” (more…)

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