Archive for March, 2011

Discipline: “We’re in this together!”

March 25, 2011

Katie’s “The Best Way to Struggle” post got me thinking about discipline responses and how the words we choose when interacting with our kids can help us to “struggle together” or “struggle against” our child.  I think responses that help us “struggle together”  towards success have some common elements.

  1. They are focused on the present and future.
  2. They are stated as positively as possible
  3. They include  some action (big or small) on the parent’s  part.

Here’s one example:

You never pick up your clothes!  Every day the pile gets higher!”  (Focuses on the past and = struggling against your child.)

Your room is a mess.”  (Focuses on the present and might be true, but isn’t very positive, doesn’t look to the future, and lacks action.)

Let’s get started on cleaning up your room.  We are both going to feel better when it is done.”  (Focuses on the present and future, and is positively stated.   This one for me = joining the struggle with my child to help them succeed.)

and another:

Isn’t your homework done yet?  What on earth have you been doing?”  (past and negative)

You are still working on your homework?!”  (present and negative)

You’re not as far along as I thought you’d be.  Let’s move to the  kitchen with that so I can help you get back on track while I make dinner.”  (This one is focused on present and future, is positively stated and includes an action.)

and one more…

“You have been whining all day!”  (past and negative)

“Stop whining!”  (present and negative—This one also sets  up a power struggle because we really can not make a child stop whining.)

“You are having a rough day!  Come walk close to me so I can help you. “ (present and future  focused, positive and includes action)

I’m trying this myself and have to say it’s a challenge (at least for me) to stay out of the past!  Give it a try yourself  during your parenting interactions today.  Listen to yourself as you interact with your child.  Do the words you choose help to create a spirit of “we’re in this together” or do they encourage more of a  “it’s me against you” feeling?

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The Best Way to Struggle

March 21, 2011

Parents and professionals often refer to a child “struggling”.  It might be struggling with anger, whining, depression, behavior, peers, falling asleep, etc…..

It occurred to me the other day that ideally it’s not just our child struggling with [fill in the blank] but that we are struggling together.

Are you parenting in ways that allow you to struggle with your child?  If not, chances are you’re struggling against them.

Adoptions to be Slowed in Ethiopia

March 8, 2011

Yet another country announces its intentions to extremely limit international adoption… this time, it’s Ethiopia. This is in response to abuses in the system–not by all agencies, or even most agencies.   Beginning March 10, 2011 they plan to reduce processing of adoptions by 90%.

A blog post by Joint Council on International Services illustrates the impact of such a slow down.  Highlights are mine:

“The Ministry’s plan which calls for the processing of only five adoption cases per work day, will result not only in systemic and lasting damage to a large sector of social services, but will have an immediate impact on the lives and futures of children.  Moving from over 4,000 adoptions per year to less than 500 will result in thousands of children languishing in under-regulated and poorly resourced institutions for years.  For those children who are currently institutionalized and legally available for adoption, the Ministry’s plan will increase their time languishing in institutions for up to 7-years.”

Corrupt adoption practices are a terrible, and sometimes, even evil thing.  Agencies who do not operate ethically should be stopped and punished.  Instead, the most vulnerable individuals involved in adoption are the ones who truly pay the price–the children.

What will you do about this?   It seems like a huge problem that we as individuals can’t touch.  But if we all take small actions we CAN make a difference.

For today, please repost this on your blog, on your Facebook page or even forward the link to others in an email.  It will only take a few moments but it raises awareness.  Then, keep an eye out tomorrow for more ways you can help through JCICS’ campaign.



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